Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
