I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
