I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize