you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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