If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Welp...herpes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
