I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize