lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
