you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
