am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
