we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
