It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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