Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
