did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
