my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
