there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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