Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need water and some morals
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
