I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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