Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is my gift to your gina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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