Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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