after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
