i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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