i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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