Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
