She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
