Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
