Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
