I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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