areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
