peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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