There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
