her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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