Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
