If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
