my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
