I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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