He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize