Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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