we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
