The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
