just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
