I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Houston, we have a blender
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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