i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
