Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
