youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
