I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
