I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
