I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
