im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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