Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
