He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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