the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize