don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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