i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
