would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
