Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
