And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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