If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
