I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
