A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize