We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
