Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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