That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
