Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
