k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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