Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
