girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
